We all have some version of a hole in our heart. A place of not-enoughness and pain that we don’t want to feel.

Here’s a quick 2 minute video explaining this, and sharing some solutions:

READ: Check out the book No Bad Parts by Richard Schwartz and Learn Inner Child healing practices in my book The Soul Solution (Chapter 9)

LISTEN: Listen to this podcast with Tami Simon and Richard Schwartz

ACT: Book a Private 1:1 Session with Vanessa for NLP Parts Work 

**Sessions last 60 minutes, via Zoom. Investment is normally $525/hour but I’m opening up 20 spots for $350/session because this work has been so impactful for me. If you want one of the 20 spots, book with the link above. 

In this 60 minute 1:1 NLP Parts Coaching Session, we’ll identify some of the parts in charge of behaviors and patterns you’d like to shift, and work directly with those parts to give them a new job description. All parts have a positive intention for you, but often their methods need to be updated. This session will help you identify the parts and work with them in a respectful way to create new behaviors and outcomes.


This “core wound” originated in your childhood. And, you probably came up with some brilliant coping strategies to avoid feeling it. These strategies served you when you were younger. They helped protect you and keep you safe. And yet, these same strategies often take us further away from our true needs and desires when we’re older. 

When it comes to other people, we usually do one of two things;

1.  Beg them to fill this painful void
2. Blame them for it

Because we want to feel the love, care, understanding or worthiness that we didn’t receive when we were little, we often unconsciously (or overtly!) ask other people to fill this hole inside of us. 

If you’re anything like me, you might be desperately begging other people to help you feel better (while trying to act like you’re not begging, you’re in fact, totally cool. And independent. And don’t need them. But it would be nice if they recognized how awesome you are.) Or, you’re blaming them (if only they would act more appreciative of you, or do more xxx and less yyy, then you could feel better.) 

We want other people to fix the painful void, or we want to blame them for its existence.

But neither of these options really works. 

And neither of these options comes from your True Self, your soul. These strategies come from your wounded parts.

Good news! You can work directly with your protective and wounded parts to heal this.

Parts work is profound. I highly recommend it.

Dive in as deep as you want with the three options above to read, listen or act.

Regardless, I hope you know that you are darn lovable just the way you are!

And, spoiler alert, there’s no hole in your heart. There never was.

It was all a giant April Fools’ joke. Well, more of an “unconscious, wounded parents trying to parent their kids the best they can and kind of accidentally messing it all up” kind of Universal joke.

Joke’s on them! We’re going to love and heal these wounded parts. And then give that same love, from our whole Self, to everyone else in our lives.

May you feel centered and act from your True Self today and every day,

P.S. My needy, wants to be seen part wants you to know that, like, she’s really funny. And cool. And she wants to say something really funny right now to make you laugh so you’ll like her. But she’s not coming up with anything that great. And now the judgy part is intervening and saying the wanna be funny part is not that funny and should just stop. Maybe get a day job. As a barista. Or a toenail fungus cleaner or something useful.

I see you, judgy part. I know you’re just trying to protect me and keep me safe by making sure I never feel like a failure. Telling a joke and hearing crickets is uncomfortable. Thank you for trying to protect me from that discomfort.

And I see you, needy part who wants to be the class clown and make everyone laugh. You’re adorable and worthy of love and belonging, whether or not you have anything funny to say (she just burst into tears. She’s never felt valued unless she’s entertaining people. Poor thing, it’s been an exhausting existence!)

I love you all. The needy parts, the wanna be funny part, the protective parts, the judgy part.

You’re all welcome here.

And so are your parts, dear reader.


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